There is an aspect of therapy called, “somatics”. It relates to our body’s reaction to something – the sensations we feel. We often forget or ignore what is going on in our bodies and only pay attention to what is going on in our head.
If we have had a traumatic experience, such as witnessed our child have a nasty accident, we may find ourselves reluctant to let our child out of our sight, or do things like climb trees, visit friends or all the other normal childhood things.
While we might think that we are acting out of fear or reason, there’s a strong chance that most of the time what is driving that reluctance is us trying to avoid that horrible sensation our body experienced when the trauma occurred from recurring. That sensation is our amygdala, the smoke alarm centre of our brain (the part that triggers a “fight or flight” response), firing off signals that there is danger around.
How we respond to that unpleasant sensation can make things worse, or can make things better for us. If we don’t actively notice that sensation and automatically follow what it tells us (to not let our child out of our sight) then we train ourselves to find more and more danger…and we begin to shut our lives down. If we pay attention to that sensation, we listen, evaluate, and make an active choice to ignore that sensation and simply ride through the unpleasant wave of stress, we teach ourselves that our brain got it wrong and, over time and repeating slightly stressful things, we begin to calm our amygdala down and our lives open up with opportunities we can embrace, rather than run from.
The thing to hold in mind, when you encounter these situations, is to pay careful attention to what sensations you feel. “My chest feels tight”, my heart is racing”, “my stomach feels heavy” and connect this with that thought that is occurring, which is likely to be something like, “this feels dangerous, I’ve got to get out of here”. If you can hold that thought – look around and appreciate that you are safe, you can allow yourself to ride that unpleasant wave of stress until it fades away…which it will. When you stay in the situation and ride that wave, you teach yourself that you are safe. If you allow that physical sensation to drive you away, the stress passes quickly and the lesson you accidentally learn is that you were right to run, so there must have been danger….so you unintentionally teach yourself that safe places and situations are dangerous, because your body told you they were.
If this connects with your life it might be worth coming in and getting some skills to help overcome this and allow you to live a freer life.